Saturday, December 13, 2008

Corganwatch: No More Rekkids!


The poor fellow, having spent the past eighteen months acting an ass and calling it alternative, recently announced that he will no longer make albums because people no longer listen to albums. Says the skeletal-faced jackass,

"We found with Zeitgeist that the alternative audience isn't alternative anymore. They're a pop audience that listens to Nickelback. So doing a 10-minute song, nobody will listen to it."

Corgan's reasoning for nobody listening to 10-minute alternative music seems to be that not many people bought Zeitgeist, an album full of 4-minute, ludicrously conservative prock, that was so far outside of the mainstream that it offered exclusive tracks to Best Buy and Target. Is Corgan annoyed that the album's one 9-minute track, the stolidly pedestrian United States, didn't make any best-of lists?

In a pointed little swipe at one of the many, many people making a better go of it than him, Corgan pledged to "crack the egg like we did in 1992, without doing something embarrassing like working with Timbaland". This brave pledge to find whole new ways of being embarrassing might stand as a more reliable statement of intent if Billy Corgan had written anything in the past ten years half as good as You Know My Name.

The hysterically myopic dolt also assured fans that James Iha would not be returning to the band, explaining that the silky-throated e-bower "literally drove me insane". It is cold comfort to realise that for all the things Billy Corgan is, he is no abuser of the word "literally".

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